SPIRITUALITY AND THE LEATHER LIFESTYLE

By Sloyd

(A lecture delivered to a National Leather Association meeting of
the Denver Chapter in June of 1989. All text is copyrighted.)

The spirit of leather - we all know that it is possible to dress
up in leather and yet not know what it means. Yet to most people
in leather it means more than the costume of black dyed cowhide,
for even those without leather can practice leather sex. Leather
people cover a broad spectrum of tastes, not all of it
overlapping, but all are sexual outlaws and our practices have
overtones of the socially forbidden. In the last few months I
have explored other's feelings about spirituality in leather,
while the words are few, the feelings run strong and deep. I've
found that those who have no experience in the leather world find
the concept of spirituality in leather incongruous and
unfathomable, yet most leather people are aware of the spiritual
aspects of the leather lifestyle, even if they do not understand
it. Spirituality exists, even in those who deny any interest, it
manifests in their ethics, codes of honor, values, and a quality
of their spirit. In some people it is lacking as in any
community, all of us can make progress on the ladder of sexual,
if not spiritual enlightenment. I will strive to present an
overview of spirituality in leather, however, if these views
don't correspond with yours, no apologies, they are my opinions
and I volunteered to give this talk.

Spirituality and leather are intertwined so deeply the only place
to start is at the beginning. Before leather, for some even
before coming out, was the perception of our dark side. Dark
because it was unknown, repressed, disallowed and taboo, not to
be shared or spoken of, not even to be acknowledged. Despite all
the social restrictions, our dark sides fascinated us, even
though the rules stated, "Keep out - Don't touch!" we were
curious. Could it be as bad as folks made it out to be? Perhaps
we repressed it also, only exploring alone behind locked doors.
Why did we venture there? A craving for more, a desire for what
was forbidden, animal longings stirring the civilized self.
There was not enough to interest us in the regular world, bland
vanilla mundane days evoked no spark, they felt shallow and
unfulfilled. Inside there existed a shadow world, rich with
difference, where many of us feared to tread yet knew one day we
must or we would never know ourselves. The dark side, not dark
because of evil or badness, but dark as an opposite, a shadow,
another realm expressing the unconventional and the
unmentionable. Many of us at a young age were aware of a
difference in sexual attitudes, and we felt that we were the only
ones in the world this way. I was relieved to find out there
were such things as gay bars, and once I gathered the courage to
enter one, I gravitated toward leather. Not so much for the sex,
not for the apparel, not for the lifestyle. I had found a niche
where I could express and explore my dark side, in the company of
men who understood with compassionate revelation what it is to
grapple with that powerful being that I am, we are. Instead of
repressing an aspect of myself that was bursting at the seams,
unconsciously surfacing to warp relationships into patterns of
negation and self-destruction, I found freedom. Freedom to act
through my fantasies, relinquish or take control, wallow
indulgently in the exploration of the limits of ecstasy, unleash
this animal power to test my bonds, transcending flesh on wings
of sensation, to return to the light side of life wearing a
knowing smile shared by others. We've played the power games
just as serious games, and we know when they are over. We've
caused each other pain, all in the name of pleasure, and somehow
a clearer vision comes of it - We know who we are.

The Mattachine Society of the early 1950's asked three questions
of gay men: Who are we? Where are we from? What are we for?
These are questions for the spirit, and in the subset of the
leather community these questions are also relevant. Who are we?
We are the sexual archetype, the living expression of the
extreme. To the non-leather world we are bogeymen, dark
sorcerers who unlock the anxiety closet, laughing at the fears
others cower from. Where do we come from? From the dark side,
of course. All that is sexually radical brings us together, the
limits of pain, the power of discipline, the control of
restraint, the probing, piercing, pissing person pushing beyond
and even further. Historically, where are we from? The tribal
world has traditions of rites of passage, painful rituals that
must be endured before a boy could become a warrior. The history
of leather will always be vague and incomplete for it has often
burrowed underground, by its nature being outside acceptability
by the mainstream. I've not tried to research leather's history,
perhaps others can paint a picture of our past. My knowledge of
the leather world is experiential, from my actual living out of
my unconscious impulses. What are we for? We are mirrors. In
us people see reflections of themselves, we are the embodiment of
their unconscious impulses. Some revile us, but they know not
what they detest, they are only hating the forbidden within
themselves. We are here for balance in the world, our extremes
offset the repression of the right-wing fundamentalists. We are
here to keep magic alive in a world of logic and science, the
special sexual magic of leather.

Now when I bring up magic, I am not invoking religion. There are
many religious persons attracted to leather, particularly
Catholics, and an equally high percentage of people who reject
religion wholeheartedly. I could describe the leather lifestyle
as a religion in itself, but I believe it is not a religion. I
hope it never becomes that dogmatic, although sometimes I have my
doubts. When I say magic, I mean the tribal magic of the
shamans, the Dionysian ritual, the rites of passage. There is
ritual in leather, the dress, accoutrements and signals, the
nuances of cruising, negotiating and stating limits. Those are
just the preliminaries, once contact is made in a public space,
the action moves to a more magical leather space. This arena is
usually dimly lit, undistracted, often austere with the only
source of focus the participants and the equipment they use.
Ritual is created, both time-worn and spontaneous, to establish
positions, top and bottom, dominant or submissive,
sadist/masochist, master/slave, the doer or the done to. The
opening ritual of establishing dominance and marking territory is
often rougher than what immediately follows. The buildup is then
gradual, the tempo is rhythmic, mantric, and trance inducing.
Restraints are often used, placing the top in total control,
freeing the bottom to release the animal body from the mind's
control. Pendular swings are made from the peace of sensory
deprivation and immobilization to the writhing agony of sensory
overload. The sexual focus is smeared across the body and mind,
turning on the odd spots. The pace is building on sensation,
piling on more sensation, erasing the demands of the ego with
sensation, sensation so intense one dare not call it pain and get
away with it, yet the sensation towers and presses further. At
last the pain/pleasure barrier is shattered, the ego breaks and
gibbers, the psyche flies free, this is the transcendent moment
the magic has created. The spiritual power of a leather scene is
strongest at this point. It is a glimpse of visionary ecstasy,
the mind in communion with the body consciousness, a threshold of
catharsis and emotional release. It may not always happen, but
who can deny that ineffable experience is the objective? Nowhere
is the magic of leather more apparent than when it does not
happen, when, what is hoped to be a hot scene devolves into
unreasonable demands, disrespect, whining, panic, and a liturgy
of "I'm not into that." The wearing of leather does not bring
spirituality in itself, it is the person who brings spirit to the
leather.

No matter the range of sexual diversity the leather lifestyle
encompasses, leather bonds us together. The phrase "leather
community" is tossed around, I think the concept of a "leather
tribe" applies. Newcomers visit a leather bar, dip their toe in,
and at some point decide to go all the way. They become
initiates to the mysteries, not yet leather people but acolytes
in search of a teacher. If the more experienced ones are willing
to train, they go through a rite of passage into the leather
world and grow from children into leather men and women. That
first step seems the most difficult and painful, but with time
and experience, much more is coped with. Each successful scene
is a descent into one's personal underworld, where powerful
feelings and visions are encountered. The leather lifestyle is
intimate, functioning at its best in small groups or pairs.
Knowledge is passed on from person to person, and the limits are
set by the individual. The leather world is Dionysian rather
than Apolloian, a world of extremes rather than moderation, a
world not open to everyone, attractive only to that special
person out of step, marching to the beat of a different drummer.
The leather world is erotic, hedonistic, indulgent, and directed
toward the pursuit of ecstasy, but this does not preclude
spirituality. There are many directions to enlightenment so as
long as enlightenment is the goal, the path fits the person.
Cosmic erotic consciousness is a view of the universe in heat,
the creative power of the macrocosmic expressed in the
individual. It may not be true that sex makes the world go
round, but it sure feels nice while it's turning.

On the other side of the coin is pain and suffering. Many
outsiders see that as a negative side of the leather lifestyle,
but unlike their pain and suffering, ours is safe, sane, and
consensual. Throughout history saints, penitents, holy men and
mystics have used pain, sensory deprivation, isolation,
exhaustion, and self-flagellation to achieve a closer proximity
to God, a Higher State, or a union with the Infinite. In the
context of a leather scene these same elements are present and
can be used to gain a deeper spiritual understanding. As the
experienced leather person knows, the bottom is the focus, the
top is the guide. The responsibility for the trip belongs to
both, for if either is lacking in commitment, the magic fails to
materialize.

As progress is made in the leather lifestyle, growth is sure to
be a result. To get what you want you must know what you want.
Success in leather demands self-examination and actualization.
The novice experiments with many facets of leather sex searching
for enjoyable ones. In that act of exploration is the creation
of new areas of desire. Scenes that were once unimaginable
become new erogenous zones, building a vocabulary of sexual
diversity that outstrips the vanilla lifestyle. Limits are
expanded, self-knowledge increases, confidence grows with each
obstacle overcome, every threshold passed.

Discipline is integral to leather, the self-discipline to conquer
one's own fear and panic, the imposed discipline to bring order
and ritual, and fill in where self-discipline lacks. To give
discipline requires discipline, an undisciplined bottom may be
trained, but an undisciplined top is dangerous. Good discipline
is more direction than denial, making a choice for the better.
It takes discipline to be a good slave in a Master/slave
relationship, because that submission is voluntary, the slave
must hold foremost in his mind the pleasure of the Master,
somewhat like a mantra in meditation. The dominant/submissive
role playing in the leather lifestyle found in Master/slave and
Daddy/son relationships, offers new avenues for spiritual growth.
The Master will ideally remake the slave using discipline and
guidance to sculpt a new person. If the master is wise, he will
build the slave's self-esteem along with his body, training his
creation to be a better human, above the common crowd. Ideally
the slave should select a Master he can trust implicitly to make
the best choices for both. When the slave locates that person
and submits to his control and tutelage, the Master becomes a
metaphor for God with virtual power over existence. The Master
in turn bears a heavy burden of responsibility, with a worshiper
he must wear his assumed powerful role with care. The
possibilities for growth are astonishing and reciprocal, yet
because of the voluntary and socially prohibited nature of the
relationship, it often is fragile. Both roles expand in scope as
trust in the relationship deepens, each person finding the
demands of the role exceeding their self-image. The spiritual
circuits surge with energy to fill the demand, some can power up
to become their archetypal ideal, but many burn out, the
relationship dissolving into bitterness and squabbling. Masters
and slaves still search for that ideal intense relationship,
pragmaticly realizing that shorter temporary scenes may fill
their fantasies without crashing and burning. Still the
literature of leather is filled with tales of total dominance and
submission, in the correct context that type of relationship can
be a route for enlightenment and a fast track for growth.

Safe-sex is a catch phrase that we've all heard. The leather
world has altered in this age of AIDS. Although safe-sex is a
rule in the leather community, it is a misnomer. Much of the
sexual practices that leather abounds in do not transmit HIV, yet
in another sense are not safe in certain situations. There is
much one can do to minimize the risk, such as checking out a
potential partner's background with others in the leather bar,
but risk is inevitable. Some even court risk. "I risk,
therefore I am" strikes a chord in all of us. There is nothing
like a touch of danger to send a surge of adrenaline through our
bodies and bring into sharp focus that quality of being alive.
The parachutist stepping out of an airplane shares that emotional
interplay of fear and trust that a bottom feels the first time
the restraints go on. Apprehension has been conquered, of course
it is never safe, but life without risk is not a leather life.
The leather lifestyle would not be as intriguing without some
element of danger. Risk of death or mutilation makes life more
precious and intense, that intensity borders on the spiritual.
The experience can be devalued to a simple thrill, the choice
lies with the individual.

Throughout the leather lifestyle resides choice. We pride
ourselves in being consensual, the primary rule of leather scenes
is that all participation is voluntary. As such, spirituality in
the leather lifestyle involves choice, one can ascribe spiritual
meaning to an experience or not. Leather is a symbolic
overstatement, an exploration into the realm of erotic excess. It
is a new personal reality we have created by consensus, so we may
make of it what we will. The choice is there to not involve
spirituality in leather, claim there is no such thing or that
you're not into spirituality, but wouldn't that be limiting
ourselves? Leather attracts people searching for more; more
variety of sexual practices, more extremes of sensation, and
sometimes, more meaning. Leather people are testing their
limits, the limits of pain, pleasure, and discipline. The
spiritual plane is limitless, on a leather ladder we can ascend
above our limits, the choice is there.

I don't feel that my covering of spirituality and the leather
lifestyle can be complete without a few guidelines of how to.
There's no guarantee that you will automaticly become the leather
avatar, nor are these guidelines complete, you must follow your
heart and soul. I can only provide keys, you must find the locks
they fit. I do feel the leather tribe would benefit from a
greater spiritual awareness. So with all the passionate
commitment of Moses and his ten commandments, tooled in black
leather of course, here goes:

Primary is the respect of personhood. Self-esteem is our most
valuable asset and in scarce supply, no action should damage your
or another's self-esteem. Humiliation is one practice we can do
without, especially in public. Examine your motives and those of
your potential partner. If destruction, anger, revenge, low
self-esteem, or negativity are the prime motivators, beware.
Exploration of potential and sexual eroticism, desire for growth
or just fun and enjoyment, self-affirmation, exhilaration, or the
contrast of extremes can all be positive reasons for leather sex.
Realize that in searching for sex we are searching for love,
don't be afraid to give or receive affection. Concern, caring
and affection can smooth out anxiety in the heaviest scene, with
love, compassion and trust, new limits can be reached. Respect
your limit and your partners. Acknowledge the spiritual aspects
of the leather scene and make expansion of your mutual spiritual
limits a goal of the experience.

In closing, I'd like to say that spirituality does not exist in a
vacuum. When the leather tribe abounds with love and caring,
even in its oddest expressions, spirituality will follow.

This essay is to be reprinted in "Spiritual Transformation through BDSM" by Sadie DeSubmit, to be published by Ephemera Bound Publishing.